xoxo, a junior

Ahhhh where do I even start? I could start at the part where I cried myself to sleep every night because I was so stressed about school. Or I could start at the part where I had no friends and ached for Bingham with teachers I knew, but I think I'm going to start at the part when things started to get better.

School. Everyone knows how much stress and worry can come from school. It's not bad to have stress, but when faced with three hours of homework and a test to study for the next day, it can get pretty overwhelming. And this brings me to Junior year. Junior year is the year. We all finally have gotten a taste of high school, so we think we've got it all figured out. We are excited to not be sophomores anymore, and being a junior seems so cool.

We are one step away. One step away from being a senior. From graduating and moving on to bigger and better things. But junior year isn't just a walk through the park. Oh, no it's so much more. We finally have to take the ACT and we are piled with hard classes and PHYSICS UGH. (Not everyone takes physics junior year, but sadly enough I had to haha).

It almost seems impossible. We want to be independent and not take orders from our parents and especially teachers. We feel like the work is never going to end, and how can senior year be so close yet so far away??

During my junior year, I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in so many things that I couldn't keep track. I had just left all my friends. All my support and help was almost 2,000 miles away. I left my teachers. The ones who would listen to me and knew me. They understood me and not only helped me academically, but mentally and emotionally. When I moved, I was looking for help but I didn't know where to get it. My teachers were all good human beings, but it felt like some of them completely disregarded my situation. I was extremely behind academically and I needed them to help me catch up. I was new and a little nervous to constantly go up and ask for help by myself. I felt ridiculously stupid and hated not understanding. I was hoping that my counselor would have a meeting with me or something just so that I could meet her and have her help me understand the school a little better, but I never got a call down to the counseling office.

So when I didn't get the help that I needed, I started to give up a little. If nobody cared enough to help me through this, then why should I try? Why should I put in all this effort to still feel dumb and keep failing tests?

I never was a straight A student, believe me, but I have always cared about my grades (maybe because if I didn't my phone would get taken away hahaha just kidding) but I always strived to be the best student that I could. I had never gotten below a B before, and 1st semester was ending and I had two C's on my report card. I was devastated. I had always had dreams of going into a good college and maybe getting some scholarship money. In fact, I was counting on it. Now that I was out of state, I didn't have in state tuition to any of the Utah colleges that I wanted to go to. I didn't have a job and I had no money saved up. I even, at one point, told myself that I just wasn't going to go to college.

School made me feel helpless. I felt pathetic and idiotic. I was screaming with anxiety and I wished things were easier. I thought my whole life was going to be ruined because my grades sucked and my ACT score was very short of what I wanted. But if there is one thing that school had taught me, it's that: GRADES DONT DETERMINE WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WILL DO!!!

Kind of ironic since school is basically all about the grades nowadays, but it's what I've learned. You don't have to be a straight A student to be considered "smart". You don't have to study for six hours for each test that you take. You in no way have to be perfect. Because guess what? You're not supposed to be perfect, so it's okay if your grades reflect that.

I had a really hard time accepting this, but once I did, I realized that I was spending too much time worrying and not enough time enjoying myself and my life. High school may seem so long, but you will blink and all the sudden you're turning in your textbooks and applying to colleges. You need to enjoy your life, especially while in high school.

So, like I said, it's okay if your grades aren't perfect and you ACT score is a little embarrassing. You will still get through high school and even if you have to retake a class or two, you're still nothing short of amazing. Grades don't define you. They never have, and they never will. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I literally got a 67% on my physics final and I still passed the class, so I think you're good. But hey, if you do have perfect grades, keep up the good work ;). If you really want to go to college or get a scholarship, you can do it. Nothing is stopping you except yourself.

Just remember that it's always important to keep your head up. Take a step back from your problems and try to look at the bigger picture. Oh, and don't forget to party it up this summer.

H.A.G.S. ((:

xoxo

A very very happy former junior