My First Time Back

So, I did it. I went back. I traveled to the one place I thought would take away all of my problems and make me happy. And in a way it did, but not how I expected it to.

I've realized a few things, and one of those things is that your bed is the only place where you can actually get a full nights rest. Haha just kidding (but not really). Okay on a real note, I realized that Utah was a lot, and I mean A LOT, different without my family. I mean when have I ever been in Utah without my family? That's the thing, I haven't. It was weird not having my mom call or text to have me home. It was weird to not carry all of the responsibilities that I used to.

I wanted it to be real. I wanted to wake up and go to school. I wanted to see all of my friends and have it be for real. I wanted to LIVE there. As we know, I do not in fact live there anymore, so I just had to pretend for a couple days. And guess what? It rocked.

It was so amazing to be there. It was so reliving to know that my home still was there, even if I didn't have an actual "house". It calmed my soul to be back to the place where I had so longed to be for five brutally long months.

I was in Utah, but I realized that it would never be the same as it had once been. And as much as that sucked, I wasn't going to let that get in the way of having a blast. Soooo that brings me to my next topic... PROM. Ah *insert heart eye emoji*. Prom is magical. It's every girls dream. It was my dream; one that I had had ever since I saw my two older sisters put on beautiful dresses, tie up their hair in some majestic way, and have handsome boys pick them up and carry them off in a limousine.

And prom is just that. It is magical and everything more. You get to spend the day with your close friends and laugh your head off. You get to be treated like a princess all day and long into the night. And that's how it should be. High school is about laughing so hard that your stomach starts to hurt. It's about making memories with all of these fantastic people that will become your life long best friends. It's about staying up way into the night and going on adventures. It's about enjoying every moment. It's about living.

IT'S ABOUT LIVING. Why don't we all just live. I wish I could better understand this myself, but life is supposed to be enjoyed not just endured. I think a lot of the time we are so caught up on working or stress and we sometimes get caught behind this wall of sadness or even fear. Fear that we aren't doing a good enough job. Fear that we are going to mess up. Fear that we have messed up. Well guess what: you're wrong. You're totally, one hundred percent, absolutely wrong. So what are you gonna do about it?

I'll tell you what, this is what you are going to do about it: you are going to live. And you are going to do it to the best of your ability. Laugh. Laugh so hard that you pee your pants. Laugh so hard that your dad tells you that you are hurting his ears (taken from experience lol). Be happy. Even force it if you have to and you will actually find something to be happy about!!!

Well, this post is initially about me going back to Utah, and since then I've realized that I need to live. I've been believing that my "life" was in Utah. I wasn't letting myself believe that I live in Georgia now, and in result, I wasn't letting myself be as happy as I could have been. Going back to Utah for the first time let my mind know that it is okay to be somewhere else. It's okay to start a new adventure, a new chapter. I was alive, but I wasn't living. And sometimes I still will find myself not living to the best of my ability, and it's okay to have ups and downs. What's not okay is letting yourself suffer.

Let yourself live. Breathe in the air of everyday and be grateful that you are able to take those breaths. Smile about the little things and remember that it's these things that matter. Tell your mom or dad that you love them. Make someone else's day. Be the best you that you can be.

It's hard, I know, but hey what's stopping you?

Yours truly,

A girl that's finally starting to understand life